“Hi, where are you from?” – Me

“HERE!” – Locals of Sydney

It’s been 5 days in the city of Sydney now and I think it’s fair to call it. The locals of jerks. The city is beautiful, but the locals are jerks. The streets are clean and completely safe, but the locals are jerks. The humor of an Australian is to tease and make fun of people, but they are still jerks (about 8 out of every 10 locals I met).

It was easy to pick the local out, it was the one that would speak in a consistent condescending and patronizing tone, particularly towards Americans. And almost no one smiles here on the streets. You smile and they just don’t return it. Speaking of returning things, since you are so much better than us and we are such bastards, I’d like you to return all of your cell phones to the country who invented them. And while you’re at it, please return all of the computers that you are using to the country who invented them (lets have that internet back too just for good measure). While we are at it, let’s hand over those jeans that you all wear. Your cars too, and why not the airplanes that bring you all of your precious tourists that you like to make fun of. Ummmmmm, electricity, that too. Oh and penicillin and most every other drug on the market too. Did I mention TV & Movies? Don’t worry you can have Mel Gibson back, he’s been showing his true Aussie colors recently too. That’s fair right? We are square and settled up.

So where does that leave you? Isolated, naked, and uneducated; sounds a lot like the English intended in the first place. Let’s hope the rest of the country is not as embarrassingly awful as you are.

Ironically enough, there are a ton of Americans here in Sydney and I only found a few Americans in all of New Zealand. Attention Americans, divert your plane flights to New Zealand. Not some spoiled hot girl in the corner of the room who rottenly is aware of her beauty and often leverages it to squeeze as many drinks out of you as possible while laughing in your foolish, love struck face.

I’m heading on 14.5 hour overnight greyhound bus to Byron Bay tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

John and Sheila Masters were ever so kind to make a donation of a fancy meal while I was in town with their son Pat. We talked to Pat’s host family a few nights before and found that there was a great Thai food place called “Chilies Cha Cha”. Having been to South East Asia a few years before, I already had a bunch of ideas of what to order.

We started with Chicken Larp (minced up chicken meat, lime juice, mints leaves, cilantro, peppers, lemon grass and of course fish sauce). We also ordered Tom Ka Soup (Ginger, chicken, lemon, and coconut.) We also ordered drunken noodles and coconut Juices. The waitress’s eyes lit up as I enthusiastically kept piling up the order. She flashed a big smile and started bringing plates of food out.

We were like hungry climbers coming down from a mountain. The food began to open our sinuses and the best part was yet to come. Pat looks up at me and says “Wait, how hard is it to get to Thailand from Sydney?” This meal was powerful enough to invoke a plan. It was a dead hit! Three new dishes for Pat that would leave a large impression.

Three dishes that would leave us satisfied and bouncing off the walls with ideas. I said “Yep, It’s pretty easy, and the food only gets better from here.”

Thanks Sheila and John, we really enjoyed it, and I think Pat will be checking flights soon!